When You're Worried About a Friend Who Doesn't Want Help

Man reaching out his hand to help a woman who is struggling

When you express concern for a friend you call back is struggling, the outcome you promise for is that they will open upward to you about what they've been going through and, if they're facing a serious result similar a mental illness, they'll agree to seek help. But what happens when your friend won't open upwardly, or resists your offer of support? How tin you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

Why Doesn't My Friend Want to Become Assistance?

If your friend is resistant to getting help, don't take it personally. This is not a reflection on you or your friendship with them. There are many reasons why your friend might non want to talk openly nearly what they're going through, or exist fix to seek aid.

  • "I don't know what to tell you." If your friend has a hard time talking to you about what they're going through, it could be that they don't actually empathize what'south going on themselves. Talking nigh it might be uncomfortable or feel frustrating because they don't accept the words to express their feelings. If yous can open most difficult feelings yourself, it may create a space for your friend to take a risk and share their feelings as well.
  • "I don't take a problem." If your friend gets defensive or angry when you bring upwards your concerns, or insists that they do not have a problem, your friend might be in denial. This is a common reaction of people who are struggling with addiction, eating disorders, and other mental illnesses such as depression.  It's common for someone to go through stages in coming to terms with the thought that something similar an addiction or mental health challenge is interfering in their life. Picket for signs of increasing willingness to accept that there may exist a problem and gently raise what you've noticed— this may open up the door for more than chat.
  • "I can handle it on my ain." Your friend might experience like they should be able to handle this problem on their own, without anyone'due south help. They might be ashamed that they're struggling, or come across reaching out for assistance as a sign of weakness. Yous tin can validate their desire to handle things on their ain, and and then remind them of how much strength information technology takes to accept aid from others.
  • "It's not really that bad." Your friend might not want to feel similar a burden to you, other friends, or family members—peculiarly if others in their life are likewise dealing with challenges. They may minimize their struggles in order to appear fine for the sake of others.
  • "You lot wouldn't sympathise." Your friend might feel like no ane would sympathise—or care most—their struggles if they did open up up virtually them.
  • "I'm only in a bad mood." Your friend might clinch you that whatever they're going through is temporary, and not something serious that requires attending.
  • "Therapy is a waste of time." Your friend might be skeptical of mental health professionals or have negative views about therapy.
  • "It'south non worth getting assistance." If your friend shuts down, seems apathetic, or gets irritable when you try to talk to them almost your concerns, this may actually be a sign that they are struggling with a mental disease, like persistent depression or thoughts of suicide. If you believe there is an immediate threat and that your friend might harm themselves or someone else, call 911.

How Can I Keep Supporting a Friend Who Doesn't Want Assistance?

While there are many reasons that your friend might shut downwardly a conversation or resist the idea of getting help, that doesn't mean we should accept their reasons and give up trying to help. When a friend doesn't accost their mental illness or condition, they could confront other serious problems—like failing classes, getting fired, abusing substances, dissentious their human relationship with you or others, or even contemplating suicide.

Keep Checking In, and Have Fun Too

Don't be discouraged if your friend brushes you off your first attempt to bring upward your concerns. Go along checking in on them gently—remember, it's of import to come from a place of support and not judgment.

If your outreach is successful and you and your friend showtime a conversation, information technology's important to also brand time to just hang out or accept fun together. This is especially truthful if your conversations take been serious or intense. Talking only about what'due south not working,  can sometimes reinforce difficult feelings or habits. Information technology can also be hard to repeatedly engage in serious conversations over time, especially if they involve the same prepare of struggles and piddling clear progress. And then it really helps to actively make time for fun or relaxing times where you're non talking about hardship. Finding time to simply do something enjoyable together, (e.g. play a game,, co-sentinel a movie, be in nature or workout, make or otherwise enjoy art or music together, or make something creative) is an deed of support, too. Moreover, doing something that breaks upwardly rumination, a common side issue of low, tin help to alleviate depression,as well. Lastly,  your friendship is more likely to stay healthy if yous both have opportunities to savor unburdened time with each other.

When to Get Others Involved

If you've reached out once more and again and they go on to ignore your concerns, it may be time for you to reach out to someone  you trust for back up and guidance, such as a parent, a double-decker, a school counselor, or a manager at piece of work or a common friend. If you lot exercise reach out to others, it does not mean you lot've failed or that you lot're a bad friend, information technology shows you're trying to find the almost effective fashion to support your friend.

It is important to know that getting others involved may upset your friend at first. This is a mutual reaction, only it doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do. In fact, research shows that people who are refusing help for issues similar eating disorders, self-impairment, or substance corruption oft feel aroused when a friend asks their circumvolve of friends or family unit members to go involved. In some cases, friendships might even cease for a while. But research also shows that most people who decide to get aid later on their friends and family speak up are grateful that their friend was persistent in trying to help them.

How to Help Yourself While Helping Your Friend

If you're feeling overwhelmed by the stress of supporting a friend who doesn't want help, it's okay to accomplish out for back up yourself.

  • Read tips on how to take care of yourself when taking care of a friend, and how to aid a friend reach out for support.
  • Reach out to your own back up system. Talk to another friend or family unit fellow member.
  • Text START to 741-741 or phone call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a gratis, confidential conversation with a trained advisor. These counselors tin can support yous and offer advice on how to assistance your friend.
  • Your condom is critical. If your friend reacts angrily or violently, it's important to tell someone yous trust and seek outside support. If you accept reason to believe that a friend is in immediate danger of harming themselves or someone else, telephone call nine-1-i or emergency services immediately.

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